there was a trapeze. enough said
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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