my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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