The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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