Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
