Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
