I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
