what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
