hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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