I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
