Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
