She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
