I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
