One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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