Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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