She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
