My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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