I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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