I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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