i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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