I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
