either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
