Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
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