He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Pants are for mortals
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
