I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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