there's paper in my vomit.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
