i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
