Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
