I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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