seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
