It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
