Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The power of my boobs compel you
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.