Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
