I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
