im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
