Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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