if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
