my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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