I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
birth control should be required to get into college
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
