Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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