Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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