You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
