well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
