official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
