No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
