life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
