Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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