My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
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My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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