After last night, I could never be a politician.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
