I'm lost and stupid without you.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
