When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Text me some of your sweat
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
