My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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