I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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