This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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