so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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