Even the bartender felt bad for me
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
