dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Come see our sink grown plant.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
