If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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