Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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