You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
And the cops told us we were all naked.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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