You just made me feel so damn special
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
