I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
