Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
