new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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