Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
